I completely and totally love and accept myself, and breathe……

These are the words you say when you do a Tapping session. They are such small simple words. They are very easy to say and you can say them without actually thinking about them. But to actually realise that you need to say them and realy really believe them is a hard journey especially for some one with my mental make up. You see I have one speed in life and that is fast, dont slow down or stop just do it. Most of the time this can get me through anything but not now as I am not in the driving seat and today this hit me, without me even knowing it.

I am keeping positive by doing this blog in the hope it will help others a little, however it does not take away from the low level anxiey that I feel at times and ignore or hide. Today was a perfect example, we decided to go for a walk in Goring, just along the river and I said to Rachel I did not want to go far, she asked me why, I said I was afraid one of the boys would fall in. This I know is an irrational thought, as they both are strong swimmers plus smarter than I sometimes give them credit for. But until she asked me what was going on I had not realised I was feeling anxious. It was the first time since the hospital that I had been out and about with so many people around me.

Yes they give you a book with all the emotional side side effects (I never read that part), I read about the food and thought right thats me done now lets get going lets do the blog, the recipes, the videos, the fundraising and lets do it within two weeks oh and also do the Chemo. Plus I was going to be super fit and healthy. Luckily I have Rachel to look out for my mental health. This blog was set up to keep me sane, to keep me busy and stop me over thinking but also to raise money for charities and to help others in the same boat as me. Yet self care is also needed, to reduce my anxiety which I do through tapping.

Rachel is an EFT practioner, and this has greatly helped me to stop, breathe and give myself some time to calm my fight and flight responses to the situtation I am living with.

Learning to slow down and breathe……………..Who knew it would be so hard!!!

I keep myself busy busy busy in the fear that if I relax then the anxiety will pull itself away from the table like an unwanted dinner guest to tell you everything that was wrong with the meal that you have just served. Now you know in your heart of hearts that the food was fantastic, but that fear and anxiety is always there and how I cope with it, is key to getting through this. I stop and breathe, I look for something I can hear, see, and smell.

Having Covid in the background is not helping, with the fact of having no immune system. If I go for a walk even with my mask on, did the person I jut pass have covid and should I be out walking? My family out and about will they bring it home? with all the hand washing and precautions, we still need to live.

That constant fear …………..

Mental health is as important as my physical health, I am still learning to slow down, its a work in progress, I am using techniques I before would have laughed about, but I am starting to recognise how to deal with my emotions when they are heightened, and not let them get the better of me, to recognise when my fight and flight is being triggered, Rachel has helped me with this, she is dragging me gently into my awareness.

So this is another positive coming out from all of this…..because there is no use in getting the rid of my unwanted guest if I am left as a emotional shell of myself!

This will not happen I shall learn to recognise what my emotions are telling me and to deal with the fear and the anxiety. I will not do this alone I will need help, we all do, so reach out. Maybe by admitting this I shall be a better person for it.

Thank you Rachel I am blessed to have you as my guide.

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