(Sittin’ On) the dock of the bay plus other things!!

How nice that would that be, instead I am sitting at the chemo chair waiting for my needle to come!! So here we go again, it’s Friday the 11th of September, it’s the start of cycle 4. If like me you judged time passing by when the kids were at school or in my case by what events I had on, now I judge it by my 21 day visit to the chemo chair. Time really does fly especially the last week before the chair. During that week my health returns, my taste buds fire on all cylinders and I have a zest for life all over again. Apart from one or two little irritations like eyes feeling like sandpaper, my skin which actually this time around has gone smooth. In some ways it feels twenty years younger, life is good (This is where reality clashes with realism) insofar as my skin is soft only because I am bald. It’s only when you get a chance to sit here in the ward and watch everything else going on around you, that you can actually appreciate how professional the team that work here actually are. What strikes me even more is how lucky I actually am, and that here and now, if the grim reaper has a client list then I think I may be safe for a while longer, as I reckon I am quite a way down it, for today anyway…. No excuses, I do realise that it may seem harsh to people who are not sitting here to say this, but it does put what I am going through into a more positive perspective. A bit like the old joke of the two guys out hunting who meet the bear. To stop the bear from killing you, it’s not necessary to out run the bear, just be faster than the other guy.

I do not mean any disrespect to the fellow souls who shared that space with me last friday. In fact I hope some of them looked at me and felt the same, in that way we unwittingly use someone elses misfortune to lift our own spirit while doing no harm to them. All I know is looking around me I still feel lucky, because what I have seems a lot smaller and maybe less serious when I look at some of the other treatments going on here, and maybe the others are looking at me and feeling the same.

Today is Tuesday and unlike before where I have just done the blog and posted it, this one I have decided to add too. As my Chemo is now for all intents and purposes finished. I feel this is a defining moment, we are waiting to have a scan and then who knows what shit, if any will present itself. But I can tell you that if I am to listen to my body and to believe in it, then my unwanted visitor from my first ever post has left the building.

So I started this blog with the idea of doing some food for people like myself, and that part still happens, with some of it morphing over into videos etc on Instagram and Facebook and recipes on here. I also did it too raise money for charity and to keep myself sane. Which brings me to my next charity plan, and that is a charity called Hospitality Action. This charity was set up to raise money for people in the hospitality industry who through no fault of their own had fallen on hard times. Now lets be honest covid has brought a tsunami of hard times to the hospitality industry, so a charity like Hospitality action is needed now more than ever. So in my wisdom and because I have a big mouth I have volunteered myself to run,walk,cycle or crawl at least 5k every day until I am cancer clear. I have started and I am going to post the results on here every week in case anyone wants to see them.

So I have done the 5K a day everyday since. I am still waaiting for the scan but I do know I will get that in the next ten days or so. So now I am sitting here in a real Limbo. I am not sure whether to get excited and start planning our future or I could be told that sorry the treatment has not gone as planned so I heading back to the chair or they would like to fit me for a mask and introduce me to the radiotherapy department. Who knows but until I do know I admit I am finding it hard to get motivated to move on with anything and I feel a little like the crab who has developed a fear of water and just keeps going sideways in front of the sea.

Thats it for what has been the longest and drawn out post ever(SORRY), but I have always said that this blog was first and foremost for my sanity and if it helps anyone then that was always going to be a bonus.

Take care and please wear a face mask when you are out, in the hope that others wear theirs!!.

Liam

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